X-Message-Number: 1103
Date: Wed, 5 Aug 92 12:13:59 PDT
From:  (Daniel Green)
Subject: Re: Obligations to Loved Ones in Suspension

[ ... ]

I don't have much problem with people writing letters
to loved ones in suspension if that makes them feel
better.  I see that activity on a par with people
visiting and talking to a grave site.  There is no
hypocrasy in my suggestion of *emotionally* treating
them as dead and gone while we continue to work towards
saving them until the day that they might be reanimated.

What I suggest is a certain emotional attitude that may
help with a difficult situation.  I think it's important
to recognize that the chances of anyone suspended today
of ever being revived is very slim, and that the possibility
of ever resuming a mate relationship with such a person is
close to nill.  Perhaps you disagree with that assumption.
I'm open to debating it (in fact I'd love to be proved wrong).
To *emotionally* treat them as dead is the only way IMO to
deal personally with the situation.  I can barely imagine that you might
meet the person again but I can't at all imagine a mate relationship
surviving such an ordeal.  I'm truly sorry that you find the
situation *unsatisfactory*.  I find death itself to be unsatisfactory
but I recognize that that's part of reality so I must deal with it.
For all practical purposes they are gone and may in fact be
really and truely gone.  To paint any roseier picture would be
fantasy and self-delusion.

I find your suggestion of treating the suspended mate as divorced
to be absurd.  You loved that person.  Why would you want a divorce?
I'm afraid you'll have to do better than that.

Do you have any loved ones in suspension?  How do you think you would
*really* feel with a mate in suspension while you are still young?
What would you say to a young mate just before *you* go into suspension?
A thread of hope is a fine thing but I think that pondering these questions
in the cold light of reason will bring a rational person to the attitude
that I suggest.

If my tone sounds confrontive, know that it's not meant to be.
I'm just trying to look at things realistically.

- Daniel Green

[ Daniel, thanks for the comments.  My attitude toward this situation
  arises mostly from the notion that people in suspension are best
  considered as patients, not frozen corpses.  It's a default assumption
  that they are still alive (or potentially alive, if you prefer) until
  proven dead.  This is done, of course, in spite of the odds, not
  because of them.  (Is this Dynamic Optimism?)
  The suggestion about divorce was half in jest, but not entirely so.
  Getting oneself suspended may indeed be grounds for divorce; it's
  not that you don't love the person anymore but rather that you cannot
  continue the relationship, at least not a marriage relationship.
  Anyway, everyone needs to find his or her own resolution for handling
  relationships with loved ones in suspension.  It sounds like my
  approach probably would not be the same as yours.  Also comments from
  people who DO have loved ones in suspension may be a lot more
  enlightening than speculations from people who do not. - KQB ]

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