X-Message-Number: 1103 Date: Wed, 5 Aug 92 12:13:59 PDT From: (Daniel Green) Subject: Re: Obligations to Loved Ones in Suspension [ ... ] I don't have much problem with people writing letters to loved ones in suspension if that makes them feel better. I see that activity on a par with people visiting and talking to a grave site. There is no hypocrasy in my suggestion of *emotionally* treating them as dead and gone while we continue to work towards saving them until the day that they might be reanimated. What I suggest is a certain emotional attitude that may help with a difficult situation. I think it's important to recognize that the chances of anyone suspended today of ever being revived is very slim, and that the possibility of ever resuming a mate relationship with such a person is close to nill. Perhaps you disagree with that assumption. I'm open to debating it (in fact I'd love to be proved wrong). To *emotionally* treat them as dead is the only way IMO to deal personally with the situation. I can barely imagine that you might meet the person again but I can't at all imagine a mate relationship surviving such an ordeal. I'm truly sorry that you find the situation *unsatisfactory*. I find death itself to be unsatisfactory but I recognize that that's part of reality so I must deal with it. For all practical purposes they are gone and may in fact be really and truely gone. To paint any roseier picture would be fantasy and self-delusion. I find your suggestion of treating the suspended mate as divorced to be absurd. You loved that person. Why would you want a divorce? I'm afraid you'll have to do better than that. Do you have any loved ones in suspension? How do you think you would *really* feel with a mate in suspension while you are still young? What would you say to a young mate just before *you* go into suspension? A thread of hope is a fine thing but I think that pondering these questions in the cold light of reason will bring a rational person to the attitude that I suggest. If my tone sounds confrontive, know that it's not meant to be. I'm just trying to look at things realistically. - Daniel Green [ Daniel, thanks for the comments. My attitude toward this situation arises mostly from the notion that people in suspension are best considered as patients, not frozen corpses. It's a default assumption that they are still alive (or potentially alive, if you prefer) until proven dead. This is done, of course, in spite of the odds, not because of them. (Is this Dynamic Optimism?) The suggestion about divorce was half in jest, but not entirely so. Getting oneself suspended may indeed be grounds for divorce; it's not that you don't love the person anymore but rather that you cannot continue the relationship, at least not a marriage relationship. Anyway, everyone needs to find his or her own resolution for handling relationships with loved ones in suspension. It sounds like my approach probably would not be the same as yours. Also comments from people who DO have loved ones in suspension may be a lot more enlightening than speculations from people who do not. - KQB ] Rate This Message: http://www.cryonet.org/cgi-bin/rate.cgi?msg=1103