X-Message-Number: 1172
Date: 29 Aug 92 06:45:25 EDT
From: Paul Wakfer <>

Re: LoLa McCrary's posting #1171

    From her reply, I fear, Lola McCrary has completely misunderstood
the point I was trying to make in my posting #1133.  Charles Platt got
my message and responded appropriately.  However, Ms. McCrary, who in
previous postings has been laudable for taking a calm, reasoned
approach to sensitive issues, seems, in this instance, to have no
other purpose for her posting than to take a cheap shot at me.  Why, I
do not know.

    First of all, I do not believe that my posting, even in particular
the sentence "I now consider a deep abiding need for, and bonding to,
a partner (mate, lover, spouse, etc.) to be a sign of a not fully
developed sense of self.", can be construed as "scorn for anyone who
chooses intimate relationships".  Perhaps, I erred in linking my
lengthy state of non-practicing hetero-sexuality, for which I coined
the phrase "self-sexual", with my realization that one could, and
perhaps one should, be fully happy in life without a deep need for, or
bonding to, anyone else.  However, it was by going through that period
that I came to this realization.

    This "abiding need for and bonding to" someone even to the extent
that one does not want s/he to now or ever be free to be intimate with
another, is to me and I'm sure to many others on CRYONET a clear sign
of lack of self-esteem in wanting a kind of control over another. 
However, I believe it is only a minor step removed to also want to
impose this on oneself (although I believe that fidelity would often
(purhaps mostly) be the case between imtimate partners with full, busy
lives).  Finally, I believe, that even among those who enter into
truly open relationships with natural fidelity or otherwise, the
*dependence* on another for sex is a clear restriction of the freedom
of existence of one's self.

    I wish to make it clear that these conclusions are not related to:
1)  deeply loving someone (I deeply love my daughter and grandson),
2)  having an intimate love relationship with someone (however, my 
    current perspective is that between the aids problem and my
    inability to find any woman who is attracted to me, who I am
    attracted to, and who is as independent and self-suficient as I, I
    am better off "self-sexual"),
 3) living with someone for an extended period and even having a
    familly (both of which I am ready to do if the right woman came
    along -- though I'm not sure she exists).

    Finally, I wish to point out to Ms. McCrary that making others
aware of my own life style choice, attempting to communicate that, in
spite of universal belief that it must be a lonely and unhappy state,
it decidedly does not need to be so, and that, in fact, I believe it
is actually a more rational and fully developed state, does not imply
that I "deride the life style choices of other reasonable adults." 
Does a person with, what he believes to be, some special knowledge and
insight "deride" others by trying to share that knowledge and insight?

[ This thread has strayed away from cryonics.  I suggest that any
  followups be made via personal email rather than distribution to
  the entire cryonics mailing list.  Thanks. - KQB ]

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