X-Message-Number: 13011
Date: Tue, 28 Dec 1999 08:17:04 -0800
From: James Bryan Gustafson-Swayze <>
Subject: Re: CryoNet #13008 - #13010
References: <>

RE: DAF discussions

I've only read a few of the arguments here about DAF. From what I have read I 
find it difficult to "extrapolate" much more than a bunch of wordy individuals 
that delight in sounding intelligent through the use of 10 dollar words and 
circular logic. I can further tell that none of you has ever really suffered. I 
have and still do. I have been a quadriplegic for 20 years. Contrary to common 
conception I DO have pain, very much of it in fact. I along with the paralysis 
happen to suffer a bone disease and the dubious distinction of being the worst 
case of that disease. I am also diabetic. I am alone and impoverished and have 
little practical prospects for alleviating my loneliness.

So, I suffer 3 kinds of pain. The first is familiar to all, your basic pain felt
where my nerves still transmit. The second is terribly insidious and is called 
"Autonomic Hypereflexic Dysreflexia". This causes my blood pressure to rise 
rapidly and dangerously in response to pain stimulus located in areas where my 
nerves no longer transmit. There is much anguish to go along with this kind of 
pain as I am in danger each and every day of suffering a stroke from the 
heightened blood pressure which for some odd reason targets especially the brain
causing unbelievable headaches. These headaches increase in magnitude with each
and every heart beat pushing me closer and closer with each pulse to possible 
loss of control or plain oblivion.

The third type of pain is mental. I mentioned the loneliness. Imagine if you 
will that every time you see an attractive woman you must swallow your pride and
forget any aspirations because you, to her, are invisible. Imagine not having 
an orgasm whether self induced or with the congress of said attractive woman for
more than 20 years and having no hope of ever having one again in ones 
lifetime. Imagine being inventive and intelligent but lacking the use of ones 
hands to bring any brilliant ideas to fruition. I could go on and on but I think
I have made my point. I doubt any of you really knows suffering as I know 
suffering, pain as I know pain. Such suffering and pain that could cause one to 
seek relief
from oblivion.

I consider it every day. So far I have chosen to endure. However, that could 
change. I would rather be transported and have at least a small chance of 
realizing the life I lost. For I am not living now I am only existing. I have 
for brief periods experienced nonexistence. I was coded when my heart stopped 
once. It was total unconsciousness. I know this because I have no memory of how 
it felt, only the loss of time. I know this is how death would be. No 
consciousness....no pain! It's quite simple really and no need for circular 
syllogistic acrobatics.

Like I said I would rather be transported, perhaps even downloaded--provided it 
meant some hope of feeling something again. However, I must face reality. I 
haven't the funds to pay for cryonics. I will keep trying as long as I can to 
produce them but there may come a day when I must decide an awful choice. I must
make my choice while I still have the capacity to do so. I am 41 years old and 
the quadriplegia, the bone disease and the diabetes are eating away at me. One 
day I may not be able to, for myself, end my pain in the face of the reality of 
no chance for transportation. Shouldn't I deserve if not in life at least in 
death, some small bit of dignity? What would you do?

James Swayze

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