X-Message-Number: 1487
Date: 22 Dec 92 16:25:22 EST
From: Garret Smyth <>
Subject: CRYONICS A Seasonal Tale

Some of the threads on the net have been rather unedifying recently
(although the technical stuff is interesting and constructive, even when
fanciful) so I thought I'd contribute something more festive. 


Turkey Story
[All rights reserved, but please do copy to usenet.]


SG Smyth




	Once upon a time there was a farm, and on the farm 
were some turkeys. They lived in a great big barn. It was 
a warm and cosy barn, and the turkeys were looked after 
well. 
	One day a young turkey, whose name was Tommy, was 
waddling about and making those odd noises that turkeys 
make that sound a bit like the juices of the stomach of a 
rather large animal rearranging themselves. He was fairly 
contented. He'd just stuffed himself with grain and felt 
like stretching his legs. He decided to go outside and 
waddle about a bit in the open air. There was a sort of 
enclosed run outside, which allowed the birds to mill 
about in the air and be safe from foxes and other 
predators which might infringe their liberties. Although 
far to small to allow all the turkeys out of the barn at 
once, it did allow the farmer to call his birds "Free 
range". In fact most did not go out at all for they felt 
far more secure in the barn.
	"Hello Tommy", said  Tina, a friend of his who liked 
going out in the open air, "How are you today?"
	"Oh, fine thanks, Tina, and yourself?"
	"Well, pretty good all round, I must say."
	"Are you out here for a stroll, Tina?" Enquired 
Tommy.
	"Yes indeed" replied Tina.
	"Well fancy that, so am I!
	"Goodness me Tommy, so great minds think alike after 
all!" And they both made that vaguely impolite, sort of 
water-down-a-plughole noise.
	"I say, Tina, how would it be if you accompanied me 
on my walk?"
	"Well I don't mind if I do Tommy, don't mind if I 
do."
	So they both set off for the far fence. Usually, 
when they reached it there didn't seem a lot else to do 
but turn round and go back, but this time they lingered. 
	"Tina" mused Tommy, in a far away sort of voice, "Do 
you ever wonder what's beyond the fence?"
	"Oh, Tommy, you dreamer." Tina smiled at Tommy (as 
much as is possible when you've only got a beak), "I 
mean, you may as well ask if there's life after 
Christmas."
	"No, really Tina, there must be something beyond the 
fence. Where does the farmer live?"
	"Well I'm sure there's an answer, but it's beyond me. 
Perhaps Aunty Trish knows, she's been around a bit. Let's 
go in now."
	So the two young turkeys returned to their quarters 
and Tommy made a mental note to ask Trish about Beyond-
The-Fence next time he met her.
	Inside the barn there was a commotion going on. 
Everyone was very amused. A group of turkeys was standing 
in one corner, looking sheepish (no mean feat since 
they'd never seen a sheep). An old turkey cackled,
	"Must've eaten some grain that had started to 
ferment."
	Another, who wasn't so amused, said, "Well, its 
disgusting if you ask me. The thought of it. It... well 
its... its just plain wrong. Shouldn't be allowed."
	Tommy waddled over as fast as his short fat feathery 
legs would carry him. "What's going on?"
	"Oh, said a bystander, "this silly lot have 
announced that they've formed an escape committee. It 
seems they think that they can escape from Christmas! Har 
har!" His laugh had  a slightly hollow ring.
	"What  a good idea", thought Tommy. He decided to 
wait until the hullabaloo died down, and then find out 
more.
	Later that day he mentioned his plan to Tina.
	"Oh, they're loopy, or trouble makers, or both. 
Don't have anything to do with them."
	"How do you know, Tina?" 
	"Everyone says so"
	"Have you spoken to them?"
	"No, I've got better things to do with my time. It 
seems to me that they're just scared of Christmas."
	"Aren't you?"
	"   ...no, of course not. It's part of life. It's 
quite natural."
	"You sound a bit afraid."
	"Well, naturally the process of reaching the state 
of Christmas worries me, I don't want it to be painful or 
messy, but Christmas itself holds no fear for me."
	"You mean you want to reach Christmas with dignity?"
	"Yes, exactly"
	"Well I don't bloody well want to reach it all"
	"Chicken"
	"Cluck bleedin' cluck"
	"I think you need some Christmas counselling"
	"Christmas what?"
	"Christmas counselling. I learnt about it on my 
consciousness raising course. We live in such a Christmas 
denying society that people need counselling to come to 
terms that they're going to have to face Christmas one 
day. In the old days, before centrally heated barns and 
so on, Christmas was part of daily life. Christmas came 
and the farmer would just walk amongst the turkeys, pick 
out the big fat juicy ones, grab them by the neck, and 
one by one twist their heads round until there was a 
snapping sound, and then pluck gut and truss the turkeys 
there and then."
	"Er..." Tommy whispered,  "and that was good?"
	"Well at least we all knew what was happening, even 
the little ones, and we could come to terms with it. Much 
healthier. And of course the souls of the turkeys went to 
a far better place. If you believe in that sort of 
thing."
	Tommy was silent.
	"Listen," said Tina, "I could arrange for you to 
have a course of Christmas counselling, if you like. 
Aunty Trish does it."
	Tommy thought. He wanted to talk to Aunty Trish. "OK 
then, you arrange it and I'll go along.
	But that night, when all were asleep, he tracked 
down one of the turkeys everyone had been laughing at, 
and joined the escape committee.



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