X-Message-Number: 15231
Date: Tue, 02 Jan 2001 21:01:36 +0000
From: Phil Rhoades <>
Subject: Humour . .

 From HMS Beagle - with a few technical errors and some moderately amusing 
bits.
Phil.

Corpsicle, Inc.
by Jim Erkiletian

Posted December 22, 2000   Issue 93

It may be difficult to believe, but some people are interested in living 
forever. Granted, we are all reaching for a time when disease is conquered 
and the human lifespan is extended for hundreds of years, if not longer. 
Eventually entropy will get us all, if the big bang theory is correct, but 
until then there is no reason to believe we couldn't live at least for 
thousands of years. There is evidence, biblical and other, that some of our 
ancestors lived for over 900 years (perhaps until proton decay set in).

Canadian television aired a documentary some months ago on how some folks 
are working to extend life. Most are adopting more healthful eating and 
exercise habits. Some, however, are having their bodies frozen in liquid 
nitrogen, the theory being that eventually a cure will be found for 
whatever disease they died from, not to mention severe frostbite. The goal: 
Rebirth in a future free of such inconveniences as sickness and death. The 
more probable result: You will live until the next time you need to be 
frozen. Sounds uncomfortable, if not downright painful, being brought back 
to life from minus 400 degrees Celsius. But it might work.

If you have the foresight to put some cash in the bank first, a few hundred 
years of compounded interest might be a nice little nest egg awaiting your 
revival. On the other hand, inflation could eat it up, the banks could go 
bust, or new laws could make it worthless. Heirs might be a bit perturbed 
when Grandpa leaves his fortune and property to himself; such a lobby group 
should not be underestimated if the practice becomes widespread.

Aside from the psychological effect on the descendants, what does it 
portend for the rest of us? Will Medicare pay for it? Under our 
Constitution, shouldn't all Americans have the right to immortality? Or is 
it to be a privilege of the rich?

Present costs for this procedure run around $75,000 for start-up costs, the 
machinery, the liquid nitrogen, the building, and so forth; plus the 
additional $1,500 a month for overhead, upkeep, and monitoring. It ain't 
cheap, but then it's a high-tech solution to what could well be a low-tech 
problem.

Consider that present cryogenic facilities are located in places like 
California and Florida, which have fairly warm climates. Then consider that 
a corpse is frozen stiff as soon as its temperature falls below zero 
degrees Celsius, regardless of whether or not it's in a nitrogen bath. Is 
all that extra cold really necessary? Hardly.

Some scientists believe the quick-frozen body immersed in liquid nitrogen 
will be easier to revive, and that various delicate body parts will keep 
better in that state, but not one of them has ever revived a human from 
liquid nitrogen. Cold is cold, and below zero is solidity for a corpse. It 
might even be easier to revive from, say, minus 40 degrees Celsius than 
from colder temperatures. In fact, some humans have been revived after 
falling into the icy waters of the far North. Granted they were only frozen 
for a few minutes, but would a few thousand years make that much 
difference? My guess is that it will be much easier to unfreeze a corpse 
from an icicle than it will be from the horrendous cold of liquid nitrogen. 
Historic evidence exists to support this viewpoint.

Various species of frog, fish, and salamander can live for many months in a 
frozen state. But what of the warm-blooded mammals, to which humans belong? 
Twenty-thousand-year-old mammoths have been recovered from Siberia, with 
recognizable flowers still in their stomachs and their meat still edible. 
(Scientists ate some, saying it tasted like mud.) And what about humans? A 
few years ago a 5,000-year-old frozen man was recovered from a glacier in 
the Alps. The rescue party thought it was the corpse of a modern-day 
climber until they found his copper-bladed axe. Granted, we don't presently 
have the skills to bring him back to life, but he was still more or less 
intact after five millennia frozen in a glacier. With the rate of 
scientific advances taking place today, five millennia should be long 
enough to find a cure for just about anything.

A colder climate would at least reduce the need for refrigeration 
apparatus. And it would provide one option that previous operations have 
not, a place where poor people's corpses can be buried that is guaranteed 
to be below freezing for a good many years. Permafrost is one thing 
Canadians have plenty of. Why not use some of it to give those who want it 
a shot at immortality?

Funeral directors, take note. A couple of acres above the Arctic Circle 
could provide room for a few thousand corpses. The only investment being in 
a big auger or backhoe, some wire fencing to keep the wolves and bears out 
(wouldn't want to revive Grandma to find she'd had a foot chewed off), a 
tattoo needle or toe tags to label each body, and housing for the 
caretaker. Viola! A comfortable resting place until revival. No heavy-duty 
maintenance, and no noisy machinery to spoil the long sleep. Plus the 
dearly departed gets to lie down instead of being stood on end in a 
cryogenic chamber.

It would be a good bit more sanitary, too, considering the equipment needed 
for present cryogenic facilities. As anyone who has ever worked as a 
mechanic knows, machinery breaks down. What happens to Grandma's body in 
Florida when the electricity goes kaput for a few days during the big 
hurricane of 2010? Not a problem in the North.

We're looking at very little upkeep once the corpse is in the ground. At 
most there will be a $3,000 initial cost for transportation and burial, and 
perhaps two or three hundred dollars a month for upkeep; quite a saving for 
even a mildly plump estate. Heirs, especially, would likely opt for the 
cheaper plan, given the opportunity.

Perhaps an enterprising entrepreneur could talk the government out of one 
of those old DEW line sites.
We'll want another cemetery nearby for pets of those who wish to be frozen 
as well.

It might be wise to institute an escape clause in our contract just in case 
global warming and holes in the ozone bring a premature thaw to our great 
Canadian and U.S. North.

Jim Erkiletian is a logger-environmentalist who has played banjo from the 
stages of the Yukon to the streets of Vancouver.

-
Philip Rhoades

Pricom Pty Limited  (ACN  003 252 275)
GPO Box 3411
Sydney NSW	2001
Australia
Mobile:  +61:0411-185-652
Fax:  +61:2:8923-5363
E-mail:  

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