X-Message-Number: 15725
Date: Fri, 23 Feb 2001 13:47:54 -0500
From: James Swayze <>
Subject: Some dark humor--keeping it light folks ;)
References: <>


Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned out section of forest 
while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed 
in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his

back, flippers, and facemask. A post-mortem revealed that the person died not 
from burns but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a 
positive identification. Investigators then set about to
determine how a fully clad diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire.

It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the person went for a diving trip 
off the coast some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to 
control the fire as quickly as possible, called in a fleet

of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and 
then flown to the forest fire and emptied.

You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the
next he was doing the breaststroke in a fire dip bucket 300 feet in the air. 
Apparently he extinguished exactly 5'10" of the fire.

Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed. This article was taken from the
California Examiner, March 20, 1998.


A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the 
kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle when it accidentally 
slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the handlebars,

was dragged through the glass patio doors and along with the motorcycle dumped 
onto the floor inside the house. The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the 
dining room and found her husband lying on the floor, cut

and bleeding, the motorcycle lying next to him and the shattered patio door. The
wife ran to the phone and summoned the ambulance.

Because they lived on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several 
flights of stairs to the street to escort the paramedics to her husband. After 
the ambulance arrived and transported the man to the

hospital, the wife up righted the motorcycle and pushed it outside. Seeing that 
gas was spilled on the floor, the wife got some paper towels, blotted up the 
gasoline and threw the towels in the toilet. The man was

treated and released to come home. Upon arriving home, he looked at the 
shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He became 
despondent, went to the bathroom, sat down on the toilet and smoked a

cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into 
the toilet bowl while seated. The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard the loud 
explosion and her husband screaming. She ran into the

bathroom and found her husband lying on the floor. His trousers had been blown 
away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs, and his 

The wife again ran to the phone to call the ambulance. The very same paramedic 
crew was dispatched and the wife met them at the street. The paramedics loaded 
the husband on to the stretcher and began carrying him

to the street. While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied 
by the wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned 
himself. She told them and the paramedics started laughing

so hard, one of them slipped and tipped the stretcher, dumping the husband out. 
He fell down the remaining stairs and broke his arm...taken from a Florida 

Having a bad day? Just remember, it could be worse...

1. The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in
Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved 
animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and

applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them 

2. A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a carpenter in 
order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of needling, he
snapped and beat her with an axe leaving her mentally

3. A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically 
with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle.
Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current she

whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two
places. Until that moment he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

4. Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs 
to a slaughterhouse in Bonn Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand of the pigs, 
escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling
the two hapless protesters to death.

And finally...

5. Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb. 
It came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb; 
he opened it and was blown to bits.

Your day's not so bad, is it?

James Swayze

Rate This Message: http://www.cryonet.org/cgi-bin/rate.cgi?msg=15725