X-Message-Number: 18243
From: 
Date: Fri, 28 Dec 2001 12:38:17 EST
Subject: wives etc.

A few more words about reluctant spouses--mainly wives--of members of 
cryonics organizations.

First, any mixed marriage--Republican and Democrat, Protestant and Catholic, 
whatever--has extra hurdles to clear. Nevertheless, there are a great many 
mixed marriages, and many of them do all right. (Every marriage is "mixed" to 
some extent, since no two people are identical.)

Second, there may be special problems in the cryonics case. The reluctant 
spouse may not have had advance warning. The unpopularity of cryonics makes 
negativity easier. Money is involved. There may be family and social 
pressures.

Yet the actual statistical experience is hopeful. I don't have exact figures 
handy, but there are many times as many spouses who are tolerant, or even 
convert, as with random individuals. I don't know of many cases in which the 
spouse's reluctance actually resulted in failure to freeze. 

This clearly stems mainly from three factors. First, the love relationship 
predisposes less automatic hostility and toward loyalty; she probably wants 
to give you the benefit of the doubt. Second, the spouse is exposed to much 
more valid cryonics information than the average person. Finally, it is 
usually more unpleasant to break up the marriage, or allow a continuing 
irritant, than to be tolerant at least--it is rarely a big sacrifice.

As to tactics, the following seem to be usually helpful:

Don't ask permission; just explain your choice. If she is reluctant, be firm. 
Make it clear that, regardless of your love, you will not sacrifice your life 
for her, and that there is no chance of your being persuaded to give up 
cryonics. Take it or leave it.

Avoid confrontation or reproach. Pressing the issue, raising your voice or 
questioning her intelligence won't help. 

Make it clear that, if necessary, after revival you will make a new life 
without her--but it would pain you deeply to lose her, and you would be very 
much happier if she could share your opportunity.

Occasionally, if it isn't too blatant, implied bargaining can help. Give her 
something she wants, without explicitly demanding any quid pro quo. Be extra 
considerate, which is usually a good idea anyway.

If your growing children are available as allies, or other friends or 
relatives or acquaintances, use them. If she can meet other cryonicists, she 
is likely to be impressed with their quality.

Be patient, if there is no likely early emergency. Time is on your side (even 
though nobody knows how much time he has).  Her continued exposure to 
cryonics information, the stream of new break-throughs in science and 
medicine, and the slowly receding public negativity, should have a cumulative 
effect.  

Robert Ettinger
Cryonics Institute
Immortalist Society
www.cryonics.org

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