X-Message-Number: 20459
From: "Mark Plus" <>
Subject: OCRegister: "Freezing: It's a sunny future"
Date: Tue, 19 Nov 2002 19:50:26 -0800


Tuesday, November 19, 2002

Freezing: It's a sunny future

The Orange County Register

The people who froze Ted Williams' head were in Newport Beach this weekend, 
and not a moment too soon. It gives me an excuse to say a few words in 
support of immortality - chiefly mine - and present coping strategies in the 
event that your own frozen melon is reactivated.

(Today's Cryo-tip: Blowing air forcefully through your nose will cause your 
detached head to roll backwards.)

If this all sounds far-fetched, it's because you didn't attend the fifth 
Alcor Conference on Extreme Life Extension at the Newport Marriott. 
(Suggested motto: "Death Is What You Make It.")

Alcor happens to be the highly reputable firm that sticks dead people in 
tubes of liquid nitrogen for money. The idea is that someday science will 
advance to the point where you can be reheated and whatever killed you can 
be fixed, at which point you will owe $18 trillion in back taxes and Visa 
card interest.

It's a heck of an idea, especially if you enjoy winter sports, whatever that 
means. The only reason I'm not an Alcor member myself is because I'm 
terrified of waking up 800 years from now and discovering that my 1994 
Toyota Camry is still running perfectly. I want assurance that it will be 
like the good old days when cars were programmed to explode at 90,000 miles 
and you could buy a new one.

Also, death may be the only way to escape the marketing of J. Lo.

Of course, freezing corpses isn't the only viable life extension theory. 
Severely reducing calories has been shown to lengthen lifespans in animals, 
prompting discussion of applying the technique to humans. One elfin 
conferencee - responding to the concerns raised by a speaker - insisted that 
eating very little does not cause severe hunger and cold.

"I don't get hungry and I enjoy food more than ever before," the man said - 
moments before he walked with great dispatch to a snack tray.

"How many calories do you consume a day?'' I asked him.

"About 1,800," he said, cradling a chocolate chip cookie the size of a 
Discman. He then referred me to his Web site, which I believe was 

I was especially impressed with a lecture delivered by Max Moore, an 
Oxford-trained philosopher who asserted that living in the future could be - 
you'll want to jot this down - "challenging."

Among his proposals was to make friends with people who are scheduled to be 
frozen "ahead of you" so you'll have someone to help you on the other side.

Sample street corner exchange (Cleveland, 3043):

New Thawee: Lance, is that you?

Old Thawee: Duuuude! You made it!

New Thawee: Man, I can't believe you're still driving that crappy Camry.

Moore advised people to adopt flexible attitudes and undertake strange 
experiences as a way to prepare for the uncertainties of the future.

"Go talk to someone who's weird or creepy," he suggested.

Most of the attendees appeared to be doing just that.

As for me, I've always been at ease with my impending immortality, 
especially this part:

I'll be on vacation from March 1, 2897, to March 14, 9600.

CONTACT US: (714) 796-6896 or  Visit 

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