X-Message-Number: 24714
Date: Sat, 25 Sep 2004 12:20:19 EDT
Subject: Brian, you're a genius!

>Can you
imagine someone starting a "Church of Coronary Bypass" where they will recite
the basic doctrine: "myocardial perfusion depends solely on arterial flow,
independent of vessel source..." ?

Yes! Yes! Yes! You could call this church the American Ministry Association, 
or AMA for short. You could oppose all nutritional therapies on the 

theological grounds that they aren't patentable... you could go a long way with 

 >   Imagine the Red Cross selling CPR certification courses by advertising,
"Why suffer the pain and agony of funeral arrangements?  You too can learn
to bring your friends and loved ones back from the dead!  Learn CPR, the
scientific alternative to burial and cremation for your dead loved one.  For
a limited time, buy our Automatic External Defibrillator, and prove once and
for all there is no God!" They could even have promotional literature with
pictures of coffins with footprints leading away from them.  Why be mindful
of a cultural taboo, when you can flaunt it instead?  


>Nationwide, a few
hundred people might actually take the course. 

Well, sure, Brian, if it's sold by "rational" nerd types. But if you get some 
big fundamentalist-style hair, stay up late at night and yell into a TV 

camera, this could sweep the country! The controversy alone would generate 
worth of publicity. Defibrillists vs. Bypassiterians vs. Lowhomocysteinites; 
you have the material for another Thirty Years War or Taiping movement (for 
those of you who think I'm making an obscure nerd-only reference, the Taiping 
Rebellion was the world's second-largest war ever. So I may be a nerd, but you 
went to public school. So There.)

Anyway, Reverend-Doctor Wowk, if you get some big hair and learn to scream 
"foul spirits of arteriosclerotic plaque, BEGONE!" in a suitably authoritative 

manner, I want to apply for a job as one of your collection-plate passers. Just
let me know how one becomes an Orthodox Wowkite. -your humble acolyte

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