X-Message-Number: 4958
Date: 10 Oct 95 18:22:50 EDT
From: Mike Darwin <>
Subject: CRYONICS: time for some humor
It's time for some humor unrelated to cryonics. I know of at least two
people on this list who will greatly appreciate the following:
PSYCHIATRY BRIEFLY EXPLAINED. (By David Crippen, M.D.)
Patient: Good morning; Doctor.
Doctor: Pretty hung up on the social amenities, aren't you?
P: Well, I . . .
D:How would you feel if it were really a pretty rotten morning?
P: Well, I just thought . . .
D: Trying to wiggle out of it, eh?
P: I'm not trying to . . .
D: What are you trying to do?
P: I'm not trying to do any thing . . .
D: Then what are you doing here?
P: O.K. Have it your way. Whatever you say.
D: Why do you feel it necessary to get hostile about it?
P: I'm not hostile, I'm just agreeing with you.
D: It isn't necessary to agree with me for me to accept you.
P: I don't care if you accept me or not.
D: Then why are you here?
P: Well, I have a problem, and I had hoped . . .
D: Hope?! I deal with people who have no hope. If you have so much hope
why don't you solve your problem yourself.
P: O.K. I thought you might be able to help . . .
D: Now you're talking. I deal with people who need help. What do you need
help with?
P: My problem.
D: Problem? What problem? I'm talking about your rotten attitude.
P: Attitude? What does that have to do with my problem?
D: Your attitudes are your problem. You walk in here with this obvious
anxiety complex over the state of the morning and proceed to get hostile
over it out of a clear blue sky. Wouldn't you call that a problem? Your
crummy attitude predisposes for any other problems you might have.
P: I never really thought my attitudes were abnormal.
D:Then what are you doing here?
P I think I need help.
D: Well, you've come to the right place. I deal in help as I may have
mentioned before.
P: I don't know what to say.
D: Try telling me your problem.
P: O.K. I want to stop smoking.
D: Have you considered consulting a fireman?
P: I don't smoke, the cigarette does.
D: Oh. That's a bit tougher. How about not lighting the cigarette, then it
can't smoke.
P: You don't understand; I'm addicted to the actions of sucking . . .
D: Sucking?!?! Well, why didn't you say so. I know all about sucking.
Starts out in infancy, you know.
P: Sucking on a cigarette makes me feel better.
D: It made you feel better to suck on something as a child, too, didn't it?
P: Well,...
D: Come on, fess up now. Think back . . . Way back . . .
P: How far back?
D: You're ten months old . . . you're hungry . . . real hungry. What are
you hungry for? A BREAST, that's what!! Not just any breast, your MOMMIE's
breast. You NEED that big, ripe, round, pulsating alabaster globe brim full
of sweet, succulent milk. You reach with pursed lips toward that firm, erect,
red nipple . . . Oh, your quivering taste buds . . .
But wait!!! What's happening? . . . She's taking it away!! She's not going
to give it to you!!! Damn her black soul!!! She snatches it back. You
need that breast!! You want it! You'll do anything to get it - steal, burn,
rape, loot, dial information for numbers you could easily look up in the
directory !
Tell her how much you need it! Tell your mommie how much you need her! CRY
out for her!! CRY you son of a bitch, CRY!!!
P: Sniffle! I want my mommie.
D: Here, have a cigarette. You'll feel better in a minute.
P: Snorkle, sniff, honk.
D: Now, what else is bothering you'?
P: Just give me a moment, (sniff), I knew there was something...
D: (to nurse) 800 mg of Thorazine please. lust take your time, we have
another thirty minutes left of our hour . . .
David Crippen, MD, FCCM
Director, Surgical Critical Care
Department of Critical Care Medicine
St. Francis Medical Center
Pittsburgh, Pa 15201
Office: (412) 622-6181
FAX: (412)622-4877
"Turn on the tube, what do I see,
a whole lot of people cryin' don't blame me...
They point their crooked little finger at everbody else,
victim of this......victim of that........
all this whinin', cryin' and pitchin' a fit....
get over it"
Eagles
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