X-Message-Number: 5143
Date: Thu, 9 Nov 1995 01:19:39 -0800 (PST)
From: Doug Skrecky <>
Subject: life extension

                         LIFE EXTENSION
          (from March 1994 Mensa Canada Communications)
                        By Doug Skrecky

     Pick one of the following statements which most closely describes
 your mortal situation: 
     1. I am going to heaven when I die. 
     2. I am never going to die. 
     3. I am going to be frozen when I die, so I can live again. 
     4. When you're dead you're dead. 
     5. I am going to have another beer. 
     If your answer is #5 you are probably in the right frame of mind for
 reading the rest of this........... 
     If it's #1, you are a firm believer in ...value for money. For the
 price of a sunday collection plate special you have bought yourself
 eternal life. Used car salesman simply cannot compete with this deal. 
 Wanted: Used Car. Runs on love. Never polutes. Lasts forever. If you
 believe in believing your belief will be unbelievably believable. Amen. 
     If it's #2 you are probably watching too much TV. There is this show
 called Lowlander where all these immortal types spend all their lives
 chopping each other's head off. Go figure. On the other hand if you are a
 splotch of slime, you have our apologies. ALGAE ARE IMMORTAL. 
     If it's #3 you are a yuppy. The endless one-up-manship with the Jones
 started innocently. Jones got a VCR, then you did. Jones got a gold card
 and a big mortgage. So you did too. And so on it went till you both had
 all that the money neither of you had could buy. Then Jones swaggered up
 one day and boasted: "Hey, wormfood, I'm going to be frozen when I die
 and take all the money I don't have with me." Where do I sign up for
 this, you gasp in envy. I am not making this up. Companies now exist just
 to freeze (dead) people. Alcor, TransTime and the Cryonics Institute are
 all awaiting your order. There's even a company that does mummification
 as well. If you want to dry out after a soggy life just call Summum for
 your eternal solution. *1
     If it's #4 you are a complete realist. You also need to get a life. 
 Boring. 
     If it's #5 you are a life extensionist. What the heck is that? Unlike
 all the other options you are actually doing something which might
 actually prolong your life. A little booze really can lower your risk of
 heart failure. Scientist's have known for years that either lowering body
 temperature or restricting caloric intake increases lifespan, but life
 extensionists aren't stupid. Know anyone who eats lots of broccoli
 (rhymes with E coli) to extend their lifespan? Given a choice between
 being cold, starving or having a sniff or two once in a while guess which
 option has turned out to be the most popular? 
      Recently some drugs such as deprenyl, melatonin, growth hormone and
 amlodipine have been documented to extend lifespan in rodents. However
 only a few dedicated life extensionists are mousing around with these as
 yet. Vitamin E, coenzyme Q10, taurine, potassium chloride and chromium
 picolinate supplements have also been found to be beneficial and these
 are seeing some use by the hip. The nicest thing about life extension is
 that it is a totally nonviolent way to get your enemy's goat. Hey Jones,
 after you croak I won't place any flowers on your grave. Ha. This might
 work except Jones is making weekend trips to Mexico for those growth
 hormone shots at El Dorado's Playa Del Carmen clinic. 

 *1 If you would like to get some really wierd coffee table top reading
 material just send a letter of inquiry to: 

  Alcor Foundation
  12327 Doherty Street Riverside
  Riverside, CA USA 92503
  (email: )

  The American Cryonics Society
  P.O. Box 1509
  Cupertino, CA USA 95015
  (email: )

  Cryonics Institute
  24355 Sorrentino Court
  Clinton Township, MI USA 48035
  (email: )

  Life Extension Foundation
  P.O. Box 229120
  Hollywood, Florida USA 33022-9120
  (email: )

  Summum
  707 Genesee Avenue
  Salt Lake City,UT USA 84104

     ......I was thinking of releasing this article onto various medically
 or humourously oriented newsgroups. However first I would like to inquire
 if anyone knows the current addresses for Alcor and Cryocare.


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