X-Message-Number: 8162
From: "Mr R.D. Grahame" <>
Subject: Year 2000 (Humour)
Date: Thu, 1 May 1997 21:22:04 +-100

 There was once a COBOL programmer in the mid to late 1990s. 
 For the sake of this story, we'll call him Jack. After years 
 of being taken for granted and treated as a technological 
 dinosaur by all the UNIX programmers and Client/Server 
 programmers and website developers, Jack was finally getting 
 some respect. He'd become a private consultant specialising 
 in Year 2000 conversions. He was working short-term 
 assignments for prestige companies, travelling all over the 
 world on different assignments. He was working 70 and 80 and 
 even 90 hour weeks, but it was worth it.
 
 Several years of this relentless, mind-numbing work had 
 taken its toll on Jack. He had problems sleeping and began 
 having anxiety dreams about the Year 2000. It had reached a 
 point where even the thought of the year 2000 made him 
 nearly violent. He must have suffered some sort of 
 breakdown, because all he could think about was how he 
 could avoid the year 2000 and all that came with it.
 
 Jack decided to contact a company that specialised in 
 cryonics. He made a deal to have himself frozen until March 
 15th, 2000. This was a very expensive process but recent
 dramatic advances in biotechnology had made it completely safe
 and automated. He was thrilled. The next thing he would know is 
 he'd wake up in the year 2000; after the New Year 
 celebrations and computer debacles; and after the leap day. 
 Nothing else to worry about except getting on with his life.
 
 He was put into his cryonic receptacle, the technicians 
 set the revive date, he was given injections to slow his 
 heartbeat to a bare minimum, and that was that.
 
 The next thing that Jack saw was an enormous and very 
 modern room filled with excited people. They were all 
 shouting "I can't believe it!" and "It's a miracle" and 
 "He's alive!". There were cameras (unlike any he'd ever 
 seen) and equipment that looked like it came out of a 
 science fiction movie.
 
 Someone who was obviously a spokesperson for the group 
 stepped forward. Jack couldn't contain his enthusiasm. "It 
 is over?" he asked. "Is 2000 already here? Are all the 
 millennial parties and promotions and crises all over and 
 done with?"
 
 The spokesman explained that there had been a problem with 
 the programming of the timer on Jack's cryonic receptacle.
 Depsite being recently written, it hadn't been fully
 year 2000 compliant. It was actually eight thousand years
 later, not the year 2000. But the spokesman told Jack that
 he shouldn't get too excited a someone important wanted to
 speak to him.
 
 Suddenly a wall-sized projection screen displayed the image 
 of a man that looked suspiciously like Bill Gates. This man
 was Prime Minister of Earth. He told Jack not to be upset.
 That this was a wonderful time to be alive. That there was
 world peace and no more starvation. That the space program
 had restrated and there were colonies on the moon and on 
 Mars. That technology had advanced to such a degree that 
 everyone had virtual reality interfaces which allowed them 
 to contact anyone else on the planet, or to watch any 
 entertainment, or to hear any music recorded anywhere.
 
 "That sounds terrific," said Jack. "But I'm curious. Why is 
 everybody so interested in me?"
 
 "Well," said the Prime Minister. "The year 10000 is just 
 around the corner, and it says in your files that you know 
 COBOL".


Found on my local BBS without attribution, I'm afraid.

-- Bob Grahame, Streatham, London. LAN Consultant
-- Voice :+(44)181 764 6058 : PGP key available
-- Towel : 0d8'22"W51d24'16"N+29M

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