X-Message-Number: 8940
From: Keith Lynch <>
Date: Wed, 17 Dec 1997 23:52:50 -0500 (EST)
Subject: Re: Spam

In cryomsg #8937 yvan Bozzonetti <> wrote:

> Why not use spam e-mail as a cheap way to promote the ideas of
> cryonics ?

Excellent idea!

Of course the cryonics organization's upstream site will cut off its
connection once they realize that it's spamming.  So the organization
should be sure to forge the headers on the spam.  This will also
avoid the necessity of having to deal with millions of failed-mail
notifications, or with people adding the organization's site to
their anti-spam filters.

Also, to further deflect blame and filters, and to reduce the load on
the organization's mail servers, some random site should have its
servers hijacked for sending the spam from.

Since lots of people will think that cryonics is a scam, lots of
testimonials from satisfied customers should be added.  I receive
several megabytes of such testimonials, for one thing or another
(usually a chain letter or pyramid scheme) every week.  It would be
a simple matter to change a few words so they're praising cryonics,
and explaining how it saved their lives and earned them thousands of
dollars.

The message should be filled with HTML and MIME tags to make it
flashy and high-tech, like all the other spams.  You have to get
people's attention.  Maybe include a few meg of uuencoded video.

Most people who respond to spams aren't especially intellectual, or
inclined toward the long view.  You have to offer them something
quick.  Explain how cryonics can make them a BIG profit in no more
than six weeks.  Remember, you're competing with glitzy pyramid
schemes, chain letters, ads for gadgets to steal cable TV service,
porno web pages, ads for lists of millions of stolen e-mail addresses,
and ads for "stealth" spamming software.  You have to stand out and
be noticed before they automatically hit the delete key or blow all
their money on someone else's sca^H^H^H once-in-a-lifetime home
business pre-launch MLM opportunity.

Why should the cryonics organization do all the work, and take all the
risk of having their Internet account terminated?  Pay the clients to
enroll new clients.  Sell them a copy of "stealth" spamming software,
and a list of a few million e-mail addresses.  Tell them these are
addresses of people who don't mind getting spam, and who are very
interested in cryonics.  Or who are very interested in running a home
business, which might as well consist of selling cryonics -- or home
businesses -- to other interested opportunity seekers.

Oh, and drop that business about freezing people.  Too far out.
Instead, the home businesses should be centered on -- umm -- reports
on running a home business!  Each participant will funnel money to
their "upline," with the cryonics organization at the top.

Now all you have to do is come up with a name.  The cryonics
organization shouldn't use its own name.  Lots of anti-business
hotheads on the net with no lives oppose spam for some mysterious
reason, and they might boycott the cryonics organization, or add
its toll-free number to the list of toll-free numbers seen in spam
(http://www.clark.net/pub/kfl/toll.html) that some hothead who needs
to get a life has been circulating on the net.

What would be a good name?  Perhaps "Dave Rhodes," "Christopher
Erickson," or "Karen Lidell"?

Of course the organization should hide its assets, so they can declare
bankruptcy as soon as the lawsuits start pouring in.  Perhaps an
overseas bank account?  I just saw an e-mail ad for one.  It sounds
really easy.  All you have to do is give them your credit card number,
and they take all your money and keep it for you.

This will revolutionize cryonics.  Who needs the Prometheus Project or
any other research, when cryonicists can rake in millions via spam?
With spam, you don't even require dewars, liquid nitrogen, or
operating rooms.

It worked for a certain literary agency, which did away with all that
pesky necessity to deal with publishers.  They raked in tons of money
directly from the hopeful authors.  And when lawsuits came pouring in,
not a penny was to be found.  What worked for them can work for us.

Brilliant!  I greatly look forward to seeing what you come up with
next, Yvan.
-- 
Keith Lynch, 
http://www.clark.net/pub/kfl/
I boycott all spammers.

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