X-Message-Number: 9936
Date: Wed, 24 Jun 1998 18:59:29 -0700 (PDT)
From: Doug Skrecky <>
Subject: (fwd) Deep Thoughts  

From:  (Cricket)
Newsgroups: alt.penpals.forty-plus-yrs

>From an actual newspaper contest where entrants age 4 to 15 were asked
to imitate "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey."

My young brother asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get
buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I
should have told him the truth--that most of us go to Hell and burn
eternally--but I didn't want to upset him. Age 10

When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again. But he better
have lost the nose hair and the old-man smell. Age 5

I once heard the voice of God. It said "Vrrrrmmmmm." Unless it was
just a lawn mower. Age 11

I don't know about you, but I enjoy watching paint dry. I imagine that
the wet paint is a big freshwater lake that is the only source of
water for some tiny cities by the lake. As the lake gets drier, the
population gets more desperate, and sometimes there are water riots.
Once there was a big fire and everyone died. Age 13

I like to go down to the dog pound and pretend that I've found my dog.
Then I tell them to kill it anyway because I already gave away all of
his stuff. Dog people sure don't have a sense of humor. Age 14

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why
I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash
clothes on the last day of their life? Age 15

Whenever I start getting sad about where I am in my life, I think
about the last words of my favorite uncle: "A truck!" Age 15

It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president's
birthday, like they do for the queen. Of course, then we would have a
lot of people voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26,=A0
just for the long weekends.
Age 8

As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a
few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of
days saved up. Age 7

Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about letting
just any old yokel vote.
Age 10

Home is where the house is. Age 6

Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher.
That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number. Age 15

It would be terrible if the Red Cross Bloodmobile got into an
accident. No, wait. That would be good because if anyone needed it,
the blood would be right there. Age 5

Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept
the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money. Age 13

The people who think Tiny Tim is strange are the same ones who think
it odd that I drive without pants. Age 15

I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.
Age 13



Cricket
-- end of forwarded message --

--

   "Mrs. Peel, we're needed."

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